The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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