A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think my tv is drunk
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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