You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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