Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
