i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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