we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
