bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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