normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She needs sedatives and a leash
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
