I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
