When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
