She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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