the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
