I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You don't make any sense
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