I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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