i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
