phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
