Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We named our party play list daddy issues
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
