i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I didn't notice because vodka
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
