He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
