im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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