new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
