hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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