Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
