that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
