I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
