I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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