i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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