escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
