your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is classic penis vs brain.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
