Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
