That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
