She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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