My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize