he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
