I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
