Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
