fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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