I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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