um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
