So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
