i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
