They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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