wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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