i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
