He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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