Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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