sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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