i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
