You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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