when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
