Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
