Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
