Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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