apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
no, he came in my armpit
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
