It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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