Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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