There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
