I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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