After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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