I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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