I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
