If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
