he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
