Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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