She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
