Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
