I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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