The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize