happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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