just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
