i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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