U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
