god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize