bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
