I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
