"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
