you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
