he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
