When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
