I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
