i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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