hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
