That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
