is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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