i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize