Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
