toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I touched a dick in church today
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
