idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
