No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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