Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
