The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
