Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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