I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He better not be in your backpack
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
