okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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