I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
