Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
