Ketchup is God's man juice
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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