You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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