I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have so many feelings about this burrito
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
