nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
