I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
