What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
