you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
