I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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