sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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