so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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